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nein [Jul. 18th, 2007|11:14 pm]
<A HREF="http://www.imf.com/link_player.html?video_id=2283">J Rock: Artist Feed</A>
wee fun video huh. I have not wrote but whatever ive been busy studying.
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nya [Jun. 20th, 2007|09:29 pm]
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twa twa twa la la la
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important to kari link [Jun. 19th, 2007|02:10 pm]
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haha in tags
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wandering [May. 22nd, 2007|03:20 pm]
well i guess i feel sad. ;_; I tell everyone I am happy and I raise a plastic smile to my face.  Then paint my eyes up to hide tears. I brush the bangs in front of my face to help cover my eyes. I keep from looking up so I won't have to look them in the eyes. I hide my pain with laughs. Then run to tomorrow like it is going to be just as bright. '

Hmm that sounds almost emo. haha oh well
Anyways life is blah not much going on. i have made new friends lost old ones. realized that kyo makes my world go round. i love him. Anyways he has a huge ass. hahaha it is a ghetto booty. haha and that doesn't mean he can wear booty shorts i would slap him haha. He has but he better not now. ^^

Hmm i have not much to talk about. i guess life is boring. So get over it and walk away that or fly from the building top like the birds you so envy on wings of the graceless butterflies.
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(no subject) [May. 21st, 2007|09:01 pm]

stepping away from this lonely part
i reach out for the stars
they shine
like lonely lullabies
That help the children sleep
Only so much greater is the melody
...............................................................

Please don't cry

{One day you will see
I will too overcome
I can be a pheonix
Rise from my ashes
Then follow a path
That only i see}

I see the flowers 
there shades so unmatching
But beauty is what lies on them
For us all to envy
I only laugh
Cause I too am beautiful
I to am many shades

Just watch as I bloom
My wings spreading 
I Want them to be beautiful
Like yours our
I too just want to be beautiful

The aqaruim I hide behind
Obscures me

I see the prettiest flower
I think this is perfect for you
Though I can't pick it
Cause I am jealous
So instead I laugh
And tell the flower 
"Lucky you, But I still have wings."
..................................................................................

I lean down on by my reflection
I look at what I am
Then think of all the things better
Like the plastic smile
You wear around me
At least you try

I keep walking
Looking at the clock sinking
In the muddy ground
But i still hear the ticking
it reminds me of the negatives
Of the pictures I have taken
Always there in my mind

The piano keys sound different
No matter how many times I play them
Your glass eyes seem so real
As they watch and encourage me
Keep going they say
Someday the notes will be perfect

Your words
not even there
I know you will never leave
So I form a smile
Hello today,
I am ready for tomorrow

........................................................................

The light illuminates it
The smile I found
from wonderland
I laugh to myself
Thinking of you

I see a picture book
The obscure picture 
Make me want to cry
My tear hit the pages
This books about me
There I am

I see birds
They fly away
Far from my lonely world
I see them from the stairs
I set upon the top one
I laugh to myself 
Dreaming of you

Paradise is only a step away
I stand at the edge
Looking down on the surface
Moonlight pouring down
The crying sky distorting the surface
Glitter streaming on my face

I step back
I laugh
Thinking of you
Dreaming of you

Save my life
Come to me soon.

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I see what is never [May. 20th, 2007|08:59 pm]
I guess i can't just bite my tongue
keep the flow of words
hidden behind 
these tightly pressed lips
.................................................................

That is all you get of thatone. maybe i will give you more in my next post. the past weeks have been difficult for me. I have to think of the perfect way pf sayomg godbye to jerry and ray and all my friends. I will miss them all. Now  sort of wish i wasn't moving. I have like no choice though. i will get by. i have no choice but to get by and move on. the world doesn't stop rvolving because the moon gets in the way of the sun so why should I. it still very hard i do not want to leave behind my friends.
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sayonara sayonara [May. 15th, 2007|04:51 pm]
As day light die
Back into the endless sky
Here we still stand
On the edge of the water
Staring at the oncoming waves

You always being here
Me always in my dreams
Some times forgetting 
I see the you to the right
You stand watching me
With all the strength in the world

Goodbye, Goodbye
The rain shows happyness
Reminding me 
I look back every now and then
Looking to the ocean 
As I walk the street

Goodbye, Goodbye
Their is the horizon
Touching the city
I am now apart of once more
.............
Dreaming again
Of my love

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am doing good. I know I have not wrote for a while. I still can't will write tomorrow good be
sayonara sayonara
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(no subject) [May. 15th, 2007|07:06 am]

Why should animals be tested on for cosmetic supplies they not only won't use but can die from. 50,000 to 100,000 million animals are used yearly for animal testing. About 58,000 different procedures are used when testing animal subjects. Animals are used for testing many different product such as: haircare(like dye and shampoo), lipstick, blush, eyeine, masacara, eyeshadow, moiserizer, lotion, and others. Millions animals die from cosmetic testing. Other animals are left with infections, diseases, and open sores. Cosmetic animal testing is being stopped slowely and is banned in the U.K. I believe that cosmetic animal testing should be stopped due to the reasons that they are mistreated and go through cruel experimentations, die, and effect in animals and humas are not always the same.

Animals are a big part of our lives, so why treat them so poorly well they are testing experiments? Animals such as rabbits go through a test known as the draize test. What is this you ask, well this is a test where some one drops a liquid to be tested in a rabbits eyes. It is to test irratablility. Most commonly pesticides are tested which completely destroy the rabbits eye or ulceration, hmoerageing, and other problems. ne of the largest cases of animal cruelty in animal research is to beagles. These dogs are often found undernerished or in very por condition. I found even where there is a case of lab researches kicking the poor dogs around. Animals shouldn't be treated like this. Why make them go through such cruel experimenation if we are not willing to do the same.

Millions of animals die annually the cause being cosmetic research. In the LD50 test animals will be fed 50% their own body weight in a porduct this is to find the odsage in which will be lethal. The experiment purposely kills off the animal being used which is most commonly cats and dogs. Other experomentations like the LD50 are used to find out what will kill the animal. Animals often die from diseases or infections that they got as a direct result of an experiment. Animals don't deserve to die this way. Or eve die at all for the sake of cosemtics. I don't believe the should mainly cause it is cruel and inhuman.

Effects on animals subject are not always the same as they are on humans. Irritacy found in a rabbits eyes and human eyes is different. Plus some animals are found to be alergic to some of the chemicals found in cosmetic testing. Yet the animal will be used anyways. Chemical bases found in materials will be safe to a human but not to some of the animals. So some of the animals of the animals will die for something that was safe anyways. How can it be fair to test animals for something that is going to kill them and not us. The reason it hasn't became illegal is because we are not willing to be tested on either. But if we don't wanna be tested on than why should they.

Arguements against stopping animal cosmetic research state that animals are less important than human. That by using animals and not human we are saving from having to pay medical cost like we would if using human subject. They also believe that if we use animals in medical research why is it any different in cosmetic research. That animals may save lives in cosmetic research and testing to. They think that it is easier to test something on an animal instead of testing it on human. This is because human can sue companies and human need to be protected from getting the infection or disease that come from cosmetic testing. That and you can easily use animals where as it is hard to find human that will do these test.

In conclusion animals should not be used in cosmetic research for all the reason I have stated. Animals should have the same right as us. Plus if we are not willing to test products for ourselves why make animals test them? I respect the U.K. for banning cosmetic testing on animals. I think the U.S. should follow in ther footsteps. By all means I am not saying anything about medical testing i have no problems with it. But Cosmeti testing should stop.

 

 

Citations Bibliography

Book-

Haugen, David M. Animal experimentaion. Greenhaven Press, , 200. 13 May 2007

Internet-

n.d. 13 May 2007 <http://www.abanet.org/environ/committees/lawstudents/pdf/mcneal.pdf>.

book-

McCoy, Joseph j. Animals in research : issues and conflicts / . watts, 1993
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(no subject) [May. 14th, 2007|07:43 am]

Why should animals be tested on for cosemtic, that they will not only not use but most likely die from. One million animals die from cosmetic testing every year. The animals test materials such as: hair care products, lipstick, mostierizers, blush, eyeshadow, and many other cosmetic products.Animals will be put through a number of testing dpening on the product. Every year 50,000 to 100,000 million animals are ysed for esting. Out of those numbers around a million of them die. Others have diseases, infections, and open sores.Some of the testing will carrymaterials tht are hazardious to the animals health. I believe cosmetic testing on animals should be put to a stop . This is because animals are mistreated, die from testing, and effects the animals are often different deom are own.

Animals used in cosmetic labsare often mistreated and live in poor conditions. Labs will right downa animals condition then test the animal for its raction. Often animals will be tested on even if they are in poor condition. Some times animals wil get disease and sore and infection which are most commonly untreated by the testing lab.This showed in many pictures and document of cases. Most animals in the testing labs must be euthenized because of there poor condition. A lot of neglect for the animals also generates from testing labs. Some cases show that the animals are noften neglected by those owning them. Test like

A million animals die annually from cosmetic testing. Numbers are steadily increasing now that new products are being created. Animals die from chemicals that would kill them or by testing what a lethal dose of the product is. Like in the LD50 test. Dods, rabbits, cats, mice. and guinea pigs are

The Draize Eye Test This test is used to test shampoos, weed-killers, pesticides, household detergents and riot natural gases. The substances are applied to the eyes of conscious rabbits in order to test irritancy. Apart from the cruelty of this test, a rabbit's eye is a bad model and there are major differences between a rabbit's eye and a human eye. This test shows cruelty shown to animals. Are cosmetic worth the sad lives ofthe animal testing them.are used in the LD50 test and it's used to test lipsticks, skin-care products such as moisturisers and cleaners, shampoos and nail polish. The LD50 test (Lethal Dose 50 percent) is administered by introducing the ingredients under investigation into the animal via the mouth or intravenously. The animal is fed up to 50 percent of its body weight and the aim of the test is to find the dose which will kill half the animal sample. For the test to be valid statistically, a minimum of 50 animals are required. There fore animals are even purposely killed in the testing of beauty priducts.
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Geisha Doll [Apr. 19th, 2007|07:44 am]
The faults of myself strike me
I am broken 
Everything is over
I don't wanna wake up ever again
Not like this
Your to far from me

My blind eyes stay covered
Maybe if they stay covered 
Maybe you will not see my tears
The ones that are over you
That seem to come and go without a word

You seem to notice everyone but me
My eyes have grown white 
From watching to see if you have noticed me
But why even bother I know you don't
You never do
My jealousy of all those others is nothing
compared to me pity of you

The faults of myself strike me
I am broken 
Everything is over
I don't wanna wake up ever again
Not like this
Your to far from me

Now you have cause your own doom
I am safe to wake up
Once more this world never fails to show me love
Death isn't what i meant 
but you deserve this fate
For always ignoring me until you wanted more
A sad fact is your death was my reason. 

...........................................................................................................................................................................................................................


Your vision fades
As I stare into the open space
I blink a few times
Letting it all slip in
I will sleep once more 

The dream so sweet
There was never love 
Only hope
My word always the same
"Please let this be more than sadness
Let me love"

I always loved you
In return I was shattered
Was life I always this hard
Knife to my wrist
 can't take it any more

My blood spills for no one though
My cold emotionless figure 
Starring at the blood that was mine
As it mixes with silver

The dream so sweet
There was never love 
Only hope
My word always the same
"Please let this be more than sadness
Let me love"

Let me love
Let me Dream

...............................................................................................................................................................................................................

I guess I can't take a break from wrting lyrcs. They are just apart of me. The word i feel need to come out as something for me to show the world. When I sing them it is like I am valuble. Like my meaning was always to write song for others to hear.  I like having that meaning. Maybe because I always want to share my opinions to share my words. To share my thoughts. To share a part of myself with out having to give people my lives story. -_- I hate some people especially people like that. My life is none of their business unless I say it is. I wish people could understand that. Why can they not. Is it my fault that i am very distant rom other no it isn't!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am sad bou is leaving an cafe =( 
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Are you what I see [Apr. 18th, 2007|10:58 am]

Is this blurred vision you or am I just crazy? Is that it. Are you non-existent or is it me that is non-exsistent.  I do not know what it is but does it matter. What am  saying it does matter. It matters a lot. Well to me it does and should. This is something that bugs me frequently. I see this figure verytime I close my eyes. After a while it starts to become intrigueing. Like who is the firgure I see. I will never know until I see the shadowed firgure in color. Hopefully it isn't some one like gellonimo.
Im falling apart...............

It is finally snowing here which makes me happy. But it is cold and yeah. It is like to cold hahaha but I love it. The cold won't bring me down. Maybe it will snow hard enough to cancel school tomorrow. Even if it doesn't at least it is pretty. Ys the sky is beautiful with the wonderful white falling to the dull colored ground. If snow was tinted with red it would be prettier hahaha. WHos up for a murder? just kidding I am not the one to kill without reason. Most probably won't belive this. Well those who know me. haha. 

Love Love no time to step away
Watch the train rush to the blue sea beyond
Never returning for you

...........................................
Forget how the sanity of your heart taking over
Your mind is the soul key to what you feel
It is your own and no one elses
......................................
Pendgalem swinging in a perfect movement. 
Graceful is the butterfly that lost its wings
Soaring the highest to show that it is broken no more
.......................................
What was left behind and what was no longer falling
Are the underground of what is above
Only the past is clear
.........................................
The future never showing
As it hides its silver glow from the world
Hopeing to lie dormant in the backs of peoples minds
.......................................
Wise as we are 
The more we fall from our knowing. 
Is it the way we put are feet back on the ground
.........................................
Instead keep running
And dream of lovely ocean
As death is the blades you have swallowed

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stars of the falling sky [Apr. 15th, 2007|02:42 pm]
As i walk around and see my friends I think to myself. Are these truely my friends. Are they the people I really wanna hang out with. Two of them are stoners. I have furthered myself from the crowd of trouble making drug addicts. Placed myself with people who accept me and don't pose a threat to my life. Is tis a wise choice? I do not know but unless I try it ne?

School
ok so school has been a total bore!!!!! My grades have dropped and I am failing art!!!!!! Yes I am failing art!!! stupid bitch teacher. If i don't stuff clay down her throut it will be a miracle.seriously though i hate that woman. She can fucking die and burn in hell. I really hate her. In English everything is fine. I do my homework sometimes. I am caught up and went a little past were I should of. 

Family
Same as always boring as ever. Same as ever which will never change........

Death
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Death has accord around me. My dog Leo has died of unknown causes. Then I got knew Iiko died. My iiko is dead and Ein is close to death. No don't let my shinji die. Tears stream down my face as he might die. I hope koji maru can save him.


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JYNX [Apr. 14th, 2007|07:06 pm]
My mother wanted me to call her later. But I was having friends come over so I couldn't. She says well IF they cancel call me. So gues what fucking jynxing bitch says that and haley cancels. So I ask jordan if she would like to stay. So what happens she has to go somewhere she doesn't want to because ashley is a bitch. Thanks mom you whore. YOU FUCKING JYNXED MY WEEKENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I will just waste my weekened on the computer with nothing to do. I am so bored. My luck is so bad. I wish sometimes I were just dead. But I can't die. I will be so big the whole world ill know my name. I will be better and more famous than elvis. So take that.
My heart os beating for this destiny. The water will be cupped in my hands. I won't let it slip away. I will be far from this place. I will be in the land of the rising sun. My luck will change. I will feel what it means to be loved. 

I am attahed to the song honey vanity by kozi. It is like so addicting. You know that is sad but oh well. I enjoy what it is about to. Ha of the sadness. bring what is happy to me once more. 

Dear lover find me soon. I need some one to love. To be with. To be in love with. For so long the emptiness I have ignored filling it with songs of hearybreak and loud music. Now I am starting to feel the empty part of me. The one who needs some one. It is very overwhelming. I wish I would just meet that person for me...Even if they would ony here be a little while touring or something. Please come dear love......kudasai ai

*I wander and search
Will I ever find some one
that fits into my puzzle
To complete the picture
To make it a happy piece
One to frame and be proud of

I look always
Keeping my eyes open
Really wishing for this
Hoping for this
Longing for love
Love that will stay with me

*

I walk into them
They are in my grasp
They gaze so beautiful
My heart stolen
As I leave them for the first time
My heart stops beting
The love has escaped me
Love has blinded me to the car coming down the road.

Haha bitch died. Look both ways before crossing the street. Or you will end up like her and get hit.
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Looking at the sky I remember how worthless you really are [Apr. 14th, 2007|12:32 pm]

This is all becoming more complicated. My soul is a little more bound to me. It doesn't not wonder now as freely. The imperfectness of it bothers me a little you know. How none of us can be perfect yet we can still dream and talk of perfection. Perfection can only be seen in the eyes of ones self. It is not shared between people unless it is a child. Then the parents both may see perfection but it is not perfect still. Only a meger thought from myself. Not as though it really matter though. We can pretend what i said makes sense pretend that it was meaningful.  Pretend that the cages around my words are a little loose so all of use can find the meaning. 

The meaning of the words I say
Severed by the knife 
The one that cuts up the soul
Critics cut through saying there false
Just as they were meant to

*Meaning is still there
Buried inside the thought that it was
Focusing on when the time will come
The time you will believe in the meaning yourself 
When the blade has went so deep it doesn't matter

lullabies keep the world asleep
They stop the search for meaning
Only those strong enough 
to keep the meaning of there words
Can be heard over the rest
Not all of us have the fatal cut

Some escape the sword
Run and hide 
Leaving the stronger ones to keep them safe
There words never to be heard
There weakness slowly eating them
Till they 're driven mad

Ok a new song yeah I was bored can't you tell. I have another one but I am to lazy to type it down. It will remain in my head until i feel the time is right for me to write it down. Thenh the world may find meaning in he song. That or find honor in knowing that such of what it means is real. I have no idea i am to lazy to think about it. 

My back has been hurting lately. That and my sides, It is hard for me to walk and sit. I am only comfortable when i am lieing down. It is a little bit sad I guess. Not to me. i can deal with the pain. No back pain will stop me from moving around. I am to strong to let it controll me. Maybe i am doing to much physical activity. My grandfather says it is because i kick my leg to high when doing martial arts. I doubt that is it. Maybe i am growing. Or maybe my kidney is failing and the pain from my sides makes me have pain in my back. Infact i bet that is it. Caffiene is so good though. lol RARWRARRRWARWRARRARWRARWRARWRARWR!!!!!!! sorry I was bored lol. Lately everything is boring.

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(no subject) [Apr. 7th, 2007|10:54 pm]

Did you hear it singing
The rain lullying 
To the sound of your heart
What lies in the seas
Never forgotten by me

Do you hear my heart
As it beats
The rain colored moon 
Covers the bleeding sun
The metronome
Is forever

Lets fly together 
Happyness in cherry blossoms
Which cover the waters surface
What lies beneath I would rather not know
As the world spins 
This is what unknowing is

Did you hear it singing
The rain lullying 
To the sound of your heart
What lies in the seas
Never forgotten by me

Do you hear my heart
As it beats
The rain colored moon 
Covers the bleeding sun
The metronome
Is forever

Let are love me the metronome
As it swings back and forth
Keep this beat
No it is not a dream
The love eternal
As music is a key to eternity
Let me be the lullaby you seein your dreams.

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(no subject) [Apr. 7th, 2007|10:32 pm]

Remember when you told me
That love was forever
That it reached as for as the sky
As far as Eternity
Which stimulates everything

There we lay
On that forver reaching beach
As the drops of water
Graced the land with beauty
The breeze faded
You bame a far off memory

Remember when you told me
That love was forever
That it reached as for as the sky
As far as Eternity
Which stimulates everything

Under the bleeding sky
You told me forever
Would never cme with you
That it wasn't mean to be

My dream has ended
It is raining lover
Can you see the ocean colored moon
Hidden behind the dark hair of never

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Geisha Doll [Apr. 7th, 2007|12:11 am]

Be my everything....
Not really.... 
Very mispoken words....
I hate hearing them......
They are so broken....

Guess I have been bored lately. I missed a week of schol. I got to see my cousin and it was confirmed that I will be seeing Dir en Grey June 28th. I wanna some how touch or talk to Kyo. Seeng him is not enough for me....I need more. Guess I am just another crazy fan. 

Hmm I have been dead for songs. They just aren't coming to me. I is I guess sad. Me not being able to write lyrics.  no word from rukka. Bitch!

My voice is......I will let you decide my freaky darlings. 

The thing plagueing my is story ideas for books. Being a novelist would be kind of easy for me. Just I get bored with things to easily. That is why I like musi. I do not become bored with it. Hmm Is that weird of me. I guess not lots of people are probably that way. Hmm. I am very inquisitive right now. But my questions are not proper so they shall remain my own. All is going into a dumb state for me. A backwards sort of way yes. >BACKWARDS< 
I love meisai by sadie. Mao is a talented singer. I love his voice and scream it is really great. I feel like listening to taking back sunday. The singer of the band is good but to alike with other emo bands. Emo bands are all the same. I like patrick stump voice from fall out boy he is talented. His voice is different. 

Why are things so complicated. My psp is a little bastard. He won't work for me. I need to go major shopping but i can't gott a save for diru. 


Ohayou

Waking up to a cool breeze
The sun shines
Just for me
Now you are all I need
To start this new day

Turn up the radio
I heard the song that i need
You voice so very sweet
As it screams the melody
It seem like it is just for me
Ohayou baby

I believe in dreaming
 Ohayou
kyo...to
baby
That is where we were rocking
Where I stopped dreaming
Ohayou


Geisha Doll

Your face painted so pretty
Drawing us all in
Lips so red
Hair so black
Eyes so perfect like glass

[what you forgot is who you are
Those around you no longer matter
Your reality better than the very best
For you are still human
The truth of lies.....
Dreams of heartless skies]

question mark question mark
A rose is blooming with in you
The inside of beauty
Pure reality now
Who you are is what you are not
Only a doll
Never the real geisha

[....]

Geisha doll
Beautiful Geisha doll
With the power to show them all
You are not what you percieve to be
Beautiful man
You are the loveliest Geisha of all
Though you are no more than my beautiful doll



There you go My music for the week. I guess they are not that bad. A little confusing but not that bad. I can't wait to sing them. Yes i will sing them.Geisha doll will be changed often and revised a lot. I will probably rewrite it a lot. But the idea will stay the same. The first one is fine how it is. It is my tribute to kyo. I LOVE KYO!!! So I wrote song about how much I love him.

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Forget her [Mar. 26th, 2007|01:57 pm]

Just as the title says forget her! Forget Rukka. She has blocked my Number from her phone. I can't call her. What did I do? Nothing at all. I guess now that she is at a new school and has went to the Dir en Grey concert she no longer needs me. What a fucking BITCH!!!!! I hate people like that but what can i do. She abandoned me!!!! Bet when she finds out I am going to a new diru concert and have some way kakkoi new friends she will blame it on her mother. FUCK HER AND HER LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sick of being used. I am not a pencil. When my usage is out I am not to be thrown away god fucking damn people. I am so fucking mad i better stop typing. bai

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my voice is leaving me [Mar. 24th, 2007|07:28 pm]
Oh shit!!!!!! My voice is like cracking I guess. The way I sang before might change. NO!!!! This can't happen I love the way I sing. I can't change. That can wreck my career. OMG! That can ruin me. This can't happen. Oh please don't let it happen. Please let my voice be good if it is changing. Le it grow stronger. Let me sound more like kyo-sama. Oh no. -cries- don't let my voice be changing. My band will abandon me. I will be nothing any more. 
Let my voice get better. I guess i will need to work harder on my voice. Oh no nononononononononononononono!!!!!!!!
I am so sad. I have realized that though other love my voice i hate it. I sound so terrible I recorded my voice on my mp3 right so then I just listen to it. just cause i wanted to here what I sounded like w/o music. I sounded so girly and terrible. I almost died. When I listen to myself singing without the mp3 just singing aloud my voice is deep and wonderful but on the mp3 i sounded like crap. 
-cry cry cry cry-
-dies lol not really-
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Sinking deeper into this pool of blood [Mar. 23rd, 2007|03:06 pm]
Hmm the titles of this post sounds like a song name. Perhaps it will be. Depends on how I feel over the weekened. Yeah. I have been so tired lately. I do not know if it is because it is Spring or if it is because of me. Lately I have been so out of it. Maybe it is because of how i act or maybe because of how I have been eating. I have not been eating very healthy lately. 

I am so sucked into the nightmares I hold instead of dreams. How it it that I remember the nightmares but never the dreams. Is life truly meant as misery. No that can not be though misery and sadness reign there is still happyness throughout this world. There is hope and there is love. 

Yesterday some body I really like got very happy with me. I guess it was some thing I had said. I don't really know though. All of a sudden he turned and hugged me and was like 'I LOVE YOU!!!!!' It was well it was really weird. It made me feel really good though. I actually turned red. I guess I can be embarresed. I guess I can feel happy even when I am caged. I have realized this though. I can find the happyness in everything though I would rather not. Even when I am caged I can find happyness. Yet I am caged and supose to feel sad not happy. Only that moment, the moment when his arms came around me. The moment he was pressed against me. It made me feel so happy.  My body became warm and I wanted him off. Only I didn't say so because I really like him. After I had to cover my face with a scarf so nobody would notice the redness. Yet someone always sees. My redness is so rare that it is so easily noticed. They all laughed and well Shinji shrugged and was like whatever. I wonder if something that wonderful will happen again? Hopefully if ever again soon. I need to be happy. I need to be less caged. I will be caged until the Summer comes. 

Anyways I feel happyness slowely sinking in. Maybe happyness will be mine soon. Maybe shinji will be mine soon. I don't think he likes me though. I think he is just well my friend. I will have Vince ask him maybe. Well Hari at least. Hmm I wonder what draws me to that boy. Is it his red eyes or his vampire like looks. Maybe it is his personality. I don't know. Maybe I am just boy crazy there that is my excuse that is my illness. I look at the sky and wonder how much happyness is worth. Happyness is costless. Smiles are a penny a dozen so start smiling. Hmm I guess that isn't a very kyo like thing to say. Oh damn I guess I am not Kyo.

I am kind of in a umm I don't know what I am in but I am in it deep.  

Life is well life like haha. Yes life is just life only another day yuck!

AM I HUMAN ANYMORE? WHAT AM I? WHO AM I? WHERE AM I HEADED? AM I HUMAN ANYMORE?
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